Sex and Love
A man and a woman walk together. They hold hands. Their eyes express affection. She hangs on to his every word. He finds her comments charming. The sounds of their voices, the animation on their faces, their posture, their touch, all express delight in being with each other. It is obvious that theirs is not a business association. They are lovers, emotionally and sexually attracted to each other. When they are alone together he kisses her. She responds. First with closed lips, then their tongues explore each other's mouth. They kiss slowly, again and again. His hands begin to explore her hair, face, and neck.
His hand gently touches her breasts. Her hands also caress his hair and neck and chest. Slowly they begin to undress. He kisses each part of her skin as it is revealed. Her hand touches his penis, which is now erect inside his pants. He unzips his fly. She runs her fingertip over the surface of his penis; then she takes his penis in her mouth - she knows oral sex will give him immense pleasure.
Next, they lie together gently kissing and caressing and delighting in each other's bodies, slowly but with rising excitement. His hands touch her back and buttocks, her arms, her neck, her breasts. He kisses and sucks her nipples and she moans softly. His fingers gently play with her pubic hair and touch and tease her labia, which have grown moist. Her hands fondle his penis and testicles in return. Finally, his fingers, moistened by her lubrication for intercourse, play around her clitoris.
First slowly, but as she responds his pace quickens. Her breathing becomes more rapid. He keeps the rhythm going steadily, only speeding up when he knows she will soon reach orgasm. As he senses her climax is close, he puts more pressure on her clitoris, and finally she comes in a great convulsion of pleasure. He lies next to her for a few minutes, and she relaxes, but knowing he is aroused, invites him to enter her. He lies on top of her, kisses her, and then his desire for her is heightened. "Now?" he asks. "Oh, yes, yes, enter me," she says. He enters her and thrusts - slowly at first, and then at a quickening pace.
She too is thrusting in sexual rhythm with him. "Are you going to come?" he asks. "No," she replies, "but enjoy!" They quicken their pace, he shudders and moans with pleasure as he ejaculates during sexual intercourse. The couple lie quite still for a minute. Then he withdraws his penis and gently holds her in his arms and perhaps stimulates her clitoris with his finger until she tenses and writhes and enjoys her orgasm a second time. Afterward, they lie together and slowly caress each other's bodies with their fingertips. Note: if you are a man interested in learning how you can get skills in lovemaking which are all about gaining control over premature ejaculation, check out this website.
Myths about Sex
It could have gone a bit differently. She could have climaxed during intercourse but this is unlikely. Actually, only approximately 10 percent of sexually active women climax during sex with penile penetration alone. The majority of normal women have orgasms only when the clitoris is stimulated. It is important for both men and women to understand that clitoral responsiveness is a normal sexual pattern and highly enjoyable and is certainly not "second best."
Far too often lovemaking is spoiled by a compulsive striving for mutual orgasm or by heroic attempts to have the female partner climax during penetration. A woman's inability to have an orgasm during intercourse may lead to an unnecessary sense of failure for both her and him. A perfectly normal women will not climax during intercourse even though she greatly enjoys penetration, and even though the couple practice the most skillful lovemaking techniques, and even if he is the most attractive guy in the world, and even if the couple is deeply in love.
A couple should not be disappointed by this because sex can be highly enjoyable and gratifying even if you take turns at orgasm. A woman usually needs clitoral play to climax and she and her partner both enjoy sex immensely. However, "coming together" is, of course, a lovely experience for both partners and if it is possible to attain this one might wish to try to learn how to do it. Some women are initially not orgasmic on penetration and later become so after they are more experienced. There are also sexual positions which can help some women to become "coitally orgasmic," if this seems important to the couple.
It is important to have a realistic view of what sex is all about, and to try to dispel some of the myths and false beliefs which abound about this topic. You don't usually get the opportunity to watch normal sexual behavior, especially in a gentle affectionate relationship. As a result, sexual information too often comes from ignorant and uncaring sources: from men and boys boasting, from pornographic films and books which picture sex as mechanical, exploitive, and crude.
Men are often shown as harsh aggressors and women as subhuman sex objects. The ideal man is pictured with a perpetual erection and as eternally ready to have intercourse with any available woman, no matter how he feels about her. All he wants to do is "score." The woman is a seductress ready to exploit the man's sexual desire in exchange for money or power, and she is also his victim. What is missing from this picture of human sexuality? Gentleness, caring, and intimacy - knowing how to please a woman is knowing how to make love in a way that is pleasurable for both the woman and the man.
Another myth in our society is that the man is the perpetual sexual aggressor who does all the pursuing, while the woman is the constant victim who must wait to be asked. The man must always initiate sex, or he is liable to feel "unmanly," while the woman is expected to remain passive lest she be considered "ballsy" or aggressive. But these are unrealistic models. Both men and women have sexual desires and either should feel free to initiate a romantic experience, and either may not be interested in having sex at any particular time. A normal virile man may not desire sex with every woman who offers it. And this is true of normal women also. No one has a perpetual hard-on or becomes aroused all the time.
A related misconception is that the man is always active and the woman passive in bed. The man is "supposed" to take responsibility for the lovemaking process. It is his job to arouse himself and his partner. She is to lie there and allow herself to be stimulated. But both partners share the responsibility of making the sex act enjoyable, and either can enjoy being passive and being pleasured, or taking a more active role in stimulating the other. Many couples enjoy taking turns giving and receiving. The popular literature, porn movies, and erotic magazines tend to glorify the joys of casual sex, of "swinging," of instant sex with strangers. There is no doubt that some people do enjoy such experiences. Find out all about various ways to control premature ejaculation here.
But for most people sex is best when it is experienced with someone you like and trust and can talk to. When two people are attracted to each other and respect each other and want to please each other and are sensitive to the other's desires, then sex can be really great. If you are having sex with a stranger, you might be so afraid of being rejected if you don't perform well and please your partner that you cannot abandon yourself to your own pleasurable feelings and passions and this can make sex a performance rather than a pleasure.
Another myth is that the genitals always work and that sex is always pleasurable, as it was in the opening scene. This is only true if both partners have no problems and are relaxed. But occasionally a perfectly normal person may get upset during lovemaking. Negative emotions do disturb the sexual response, no matter how attracted you are to your partner. This is a frequent happening when sex occurs with someone you do not really know and trust each and between people who can't communicate honestly.
Some people do have serious sexual hang-ups but most of the time sexual difficulties are caused by simple situations that can easily be cleared up. Most sexual difficulties, such as coming too fast or not having an erection right away or not feeling much in your vagina, are temporary and will go away if you just relax and try again next time under calmer and better conditions.
The sexual myths which have sprung up in our society are unfortunately perpetuated by the media. Believing them may be harmful to your sex life and your self-esteem.
Alex Allman on How To Enjoy Great Sex
A great barrier to abandonment and sexual pleasure is the fear of rejection. This results in "performance anxiety." Sex should be a pleasure, not a performance. One should not judge oneself during lovemaking. One should be relaxed enough just to Iet it happen." Men are just as afraid of rejection as women, but sometimes for different reasons. They fear being rejected if they do not have rapid erections or if they are able to control premature ejaculation. Some worry that they are not skilled enough to be able to give their partner pleasure. Actually, if a woman cares for a man, his sexual performance is not all that important. Men are also apt to feel anxiety if their partner is not responsive, even though it may be her problem.
Women are also afraid of being rejected for poor "performance", to them this usually means not having an orgasm quickly enough to keep pace with the man. Women are also worried about their physical appearance, about the beauty of their face, breasts, or figure. Physical appearance may be an element of a woman's attractiveness, but personality and emotional maturity and sensitivity and warmth are far more important. At the end of the day, emotional closeness is more important to both men and women than sexual performance, and so premature ejaculation and other issues around performance become a reflection of the quality of the relationship and the emotional state of the partners within that relationship rather than any inherent sexual dysfunction.
A woman may feel anxiety if her partner does not want to make love or if he loses his erection. She may see this as a reflection of her desirability. Most fears of rejection are unfounded in reality and brought on by a poor self-esteem. The kind of security that permits sexual abandonment is possible only when one feels so good about oneself that one does not worry about being rejected.
Another obstacle to sexual pleasure is guilt. If a person has been taught early on that sexual pleasure is wrong, he or she may have problems fully enjoying the sexual experience later in life. There may be a lot of guilt where a man uses porn on the internet preferentially to his partner for sexual pleasure or where he is addicted to sex.
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Fear of pregnancy and of disease is another obstacle which may prevent a person from fully enjoying sex. These are realistic fears. If you have intercourse without protection you may indeed become pregnant and an unwanted pregnancy may be a tragedy. And if you have sex indiscriminately you could contract a sexually transmitted disease which may be dangerous and unpleasant. Your best protection against these fears is to be well informed and take reasonable precautions.