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Making Sex Better

When you are able to achieve reliable erection during Sensory Focus you and your partner have a choice. You may proceed to intercourse at the end of this period of manual stimulation by your partner, or you may go on with extended sexual orgasm training. You may then want to resume intercourse when you are able to experience extended orgasms lasting twice as long as those you experienced before training. Men who learn to experience extended sexual orgasm for several minutes, several times a week, are likely to have fewer problems with erections during intercourse.

Erection problems often occur because a man believes he should automatically experience an erection whenever he's in a sexual situation. Women often believe that too.

It's a myth. Most men need their penises directly stimulated for erection. The need increases with age. A partner is the best source of that stimulation, so you should continue self-stimulation training through the stages when your partner watches you to learn how and then takes over the process.

You are responsible for arranging enough stimulation. You have to make sure you give yourself enough or your partner gives you enough. Then, even if you don't begin a sexual encounter with an erection, you can produce an erection with self-stimulation. If you've done that in front of your partner in training, then you won't be embarrassed

to do it again when it's needed. And yes, it's okay, many men stimulate themselves in order to achieve a working level of arousal. It's more fun if your partner does it for you, but not all women are willing to agree. It's your penis, your pleasure, and ultimately your responsibility.

Soft-Penis Intercourse

This can be a useful exercise for erection problems. Both partners experience pleasure from penile stimulation that isn't dependent on erection. It's also a pleasurable variation for any couple to use near the beginning of a sexual encounter, because it establishes sexual intimacy without rushing sexual performance.

The woman lies on her back with her right leg tented over the man's hips. The man lies at a forty-five-degree angle to her body on his left side, facing her. lie holds his penis in his right hand and rubs the glans up, down, and around the woman's clitoris. Both areas, penis and vulva, should be well lubricated. (See illustration 19 on page 228.)

The man should concentrate on stimulating his glans, focusing his attention on the pleasurable sensations he receives from rubbing it against his partner's genitals. The woman should allow herself to enjoy the clitoral stimulation she's receiving without thinking ahead to what she hopes or anticipates should happen—to her arousal or to his.

If you, the man, happen to develop an erection during this exercise, don't be concerned. Continue the stimulation. If you sustain an erection for five minutes or more, you may partly insert yourself—no more than one inch—into your partner's vagina. If you do partly insert yourself, continue to use your right hand to move your penis from inside the vagina to outside, up, and around the clitoris—in, out, around and around.


Training and foreplay exercise. Man rhythmically rubs soft penis against woman's vaginal opening and clitoris. Penis lengthens, man rhythmically inserts up to one inch and withdraws.

After five minutes or more of partial insertion and clitoral teasing, if you are still sustaining an erection, you may gradually increase penetration while decreasing clitoral stimulation.

Do this exercise at least three times a week for at least fifteen minutes each session, even if you or your partner resists doing it, even if it bores you. Don't expect an erection. Soft-penis intercourse is a training exercise. Boxers jump rope for training to develop their reflexes and stamina, not because they expect to jump rope in the ring.

Men with erection problems should make a list of the times when their penises rise to the occasion and the times when they don't. You may identify a pattern. The pattern our rock star found involved drugs and alcohol. He hadn't noticed that pattern before. Alcohol is a very common cause of erection problems. The classic alcohol-related disability is failing to achieve erection because you're anesthetized with alcohol and then panicking and assuming your penis is permanently disabled. Performance anxiety after that sustains a self-fulfilling prophecy. Up to two drinks in any three-hour period can help rather than hinder sexual experience, but more than that may interfere.

There are other difficulties you might discover by listing occasions. Some men find they have no difficulty with a familiar partner but difficulty with a new partner. For other men it's the other way around.

Especially with a familiar partner, you can solve your problem by finding ways to make sex feel new, different, and more exciting. Change the time, change the setting, change the position. One certain new adventure that you and your partner might arrange for yourselves is agreement to train for extended sexual orgasm.